Dear Ones,
Our forty fifth anniversary is coming up, so HS wanted me to write about happy marriages. There is also a word in there for the unmarried who want to be…there is rest for you too!
Love you! KRP
HAPPY MARRIAGES
Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. 1 Peter 3:7 NKJV
The fundamental basis of all relationships is gentle forbearance and forgiveness out of love. You can’t walk with anyone for a mile without them saying or doing even unintentionally something to upset you, and you to them. I’m told that the average motorist violates three traffic laws for every mile that they drive. In casual relationships we develop a numbness to the others idiosyncrasies, but in intimate relationships we must be willing to forgive and be forgiven. Mercy, grace and forgiveness has been the basis of ABBA’s relationship with humanity, and with each of us individually, and that must be the relationship we have with others, especially in the intimate covenant relationship of marriage.
…and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him. 35 “So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses.” Matt 18:34-35 NKJV
Forgiveness is powerful. We were doing deliverance ministry in church after the service. I finished with my person then noticed three ladies surrounding another woman. They were commanding her demon to come out, and the demon was manifesting, saying, “I don’t have to come out!” I watched for a moment, then engaged the demon. “Mr. demon,” I said, “Why don’t you have to come out?” The demon replied through the woman, “Her father raped her when she was thirteen, and I don’t have to come out!” I knew immediately what I had to do. I said, I want to speak to…and I said her name. Her countenance changed. “Dear So-and so, I want you to pretend I’m your father. Listen to me…what I did to you when you were thirteen was wrong. Will you forgive me?” She looked up at me, and with a voice like a thirteen-year-old said, “Daddy, I forgive you!” Instantly she was in her right mind. The demon lost its authority to stay in her because she had forgiven her father.
Demons are torturers, and they can have heavenly authority, even to the point of not coming out, to torment those who hold unforgiveness and bitterness in their hearts.
Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves another has fulfilled the law. Rom 13:8-9 NKJV
Forgiveness must have two great elements: absolution and reconciliation. To forgive is to release one from the penalty of their sins, to absolve them of all wrongdoing. We all owe each other a debt of love on a continual basis. Yesterday’s love doesn’t count for today’s debt. Every day we must pay everyone the love we owe them, especially in intimate covenant relationships like marriage. By the way, ‘Jesus is Lord’ is a covenant relationship with a daily debt of love. When someone sins against you, they are NOT paying their debt of love, so they owe you something. When you forgive you are saying, “I release you from the debt of love you owe me. I give up any resentment and bitterness I have because of not receiving that love. I make our relationship to be as if the offense never occurred. I restore our relationship in love.” Reconciliation has to do with restoring them to the position of esteem they had before the wrongdoing was done, making the offence as if it never happened, which is exactly what ABBA does as we confess our sins to Him. He forgives us!
On the same day the Lord made a covenant with Abram, saying: “To your descendants I have given this land, from the river of Egypt to the great river, the River Euphrates — Gen 15:18-19 NKJV
So God heard their groaning, and God remembered His covenant with Abraham, with Isaac, and with Jacob. Ex 2:24-25 NKJV
And being assembled together (Grk. SUNALIZOMAI – salted together) with them, He commanded them not to depart from Jerusalem, but to wait for the Promise of the Father… Acts 1:4 NKJV
One of the ways to approach the understanding of the Word is considering the perspective of the actual writers themselves. What was a covenant, and what did it mean in the times and culture of the Bible? A covenant was an unbreakable bond between two parties. In eastern culture I’m told that the penalty for breaking the covenant was death. God makes and honors covenants, and He is not above ‘pulling the plug’ on peoples and nations when they break that covenant. Jesus sealed the born-again ones to ABBA forever by a blood covenant. Eternal life in the new birth is by blood covenant. Jesus entered a salt covenant with His disciples before He ascended. Marriages are sealed by a salt covenant when the two enter that relationship. That salt covenant says I will be loyal to you with my life; I will protect you and never bring you harm. If you want a happy marriage…always remember the salt!
Our beloved Joe and Maureen just celebrated their forty third anniversary. RM and I have our forty-fifth coming up in a few weeks. Lots of love, salt and forgiveness over those years!
Recently, I heard someone share these practical principles for a happy marriage, and I though you would enjoy them…
FOUR GREAT PRINCIPLES OF HAPPY MARRIAGE
1), Have more fun and less airing of grievances.
And Sarah said, “God has made me laugh, and all who hear will laugh with me.” Gen 21:6-7 NKJV
We covered grievances already. It’s been said that the two great realities that bring people together are a crisis and hard work. To that I would add having fun together. Joe, mentioned above, is an excellent travel companion. Four of us drove from Nashville to Lexington KY and Joe had us laughing the whole way. Same with the time that he and I visited Tammie our extraordinary house church leader in southern Oregon. Joe had us laughing with clips from old TV shows on YouTube. I tell our people when we travel that I have two rules: take care of one another and have a lot of fun. If we do those things, we will do okay. Generally, it is the father and husband who is the fun maker in the relationship and the family. So, guys…make her laugh!
2). Touch more often.
Then Jesus put out His hand and touched him, saying, “I am willing; be cleansed.” Immediately his leprosy was cleansed. Matt 8:3 NKJV
It’s interesting that ABBA tells us to lay hands on people for healing. Touch is healing, and touch is an impartation when it’s done out of love. Consequently, when you are touched NOT out of love there is injury, even if the force of the touch is inconsequential. Never touch your spouse or your children outside of love. Touch is especially stimulating for men. So, my sister, touch your husband often!
3). Eye contact.
You have ravished my heart with one look of your eyes…Song 4:9 NKJV
Oxytocin is called the love hormone, and one of the main ways it is released especially in women is through eye contact. Always make eye contact with your spouse. Give them your full attention with five to ten minutes of undisturbed eye contact every day. The guy who shared this suggested an eye contact situation that I have described below that does amazing things…
4). Pray together daily.
So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Matt 19:6 NKJV
It’s amazing how science catches up with the Bible! Scientists tell us that praying together causes the right hemispheres of your brains to line up together in a form of social neural linkage. This is bonding. This is ONE aspect of what the Word calls becoming ‘one flesh.’ This neural linkage is an interesting reality that science only partly understands because they don’t understand the spirit of man. Neural linkage is the reason why one person will say something and the other will finish the thought, or they both say the same thing at the same time. It’s the science behind ‘soul ties’ and, on another level, even pets and animals. What they don’t understand is that the mechanism behind the brains linking is the spirit of man, not ‘telepathy’ or other such foolishness. Men and women are truly spiritual beings living in an ‘earth suit,’ a tent, a physical body…
One of the great keys of a happy marriage is to go to bed together, pray together, hold hands and just stare into each others eyes for five to ten minutes. You don’t need a new partner, you need new patterns!
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. Eph 5:25-29 NKJV
ABBA loves examples. He loves demonstrations. When I see someone do something, I know I can do it. Long, enduring and happy marriages are examples, demonstrations to the body of Christ of His relationship to the Church, and how the Church can find rest in that relationship just as a bride finds rest in the house of her husband. Loneliness sucks…it is not the will of God for you to be alone, which is what it says in Genesis, about man and the first married couple. I was away from my RM for a month while I finished my dissertation, and it was glorious but miserable. In a happy marriage there is rest. Amen? Love you!
AND…A WORD FOR THE UNMARRIED, IF YOU WANT TO BE…
Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. 1 Cor 7:2 NKJV
We have SO MUCH FUN praying for people after church…
The little old lady came up to me to be prayed for after church. I laid my hands on her and the HS said, she wants to get married! I opened my eyes, looked in her eyes and said, “Do you want to get married?” She got the biggest grin on her face, without saying a word. I said, “Ok, according to 1Cor. 7:2 I’m going to pray that man into your life.” I did, and she left church and went to McDonalds restaurant for lunch. Standing behind her in line at McDonalds was a little old retired pastor. They were married three months later!
There is a man for every woman, and a woman for every man. That’s what Corinthians says, and Genesis confirms. (As I write I’m watching a young couple with a little boy and girl right outside my window…it’s a bit hard with tears of joy in my eyes). I once counseled someone very close to me who said, I don’t believe that verse! Oh well, she got proven wrong about her faith because she is happily married today. Dear one, listen to me…God REALLY LOVES YOU and He has the right woman if you are a man, and the right man if you are a woman, for you. Just ask Him, and if you need me to stand in faith with you, call me at +1-503-3025381…
Remember dear ones, we must be about our Father’s business…